NEURODIVERSITY BLOG FROM A MARTIAL ARTIST

WITH AUTISM, DYSLEXIA AND PROBABLY SOME 

OTHER STUFF.

I'm rob@taekwondoautist

Three’s a Party 30.11.22

I am paraphrasing here as I cannot for the life of me track down the quote, which is something I like to do. I think that it was Simon Baron Cohen who wrote something like -  experts the world over can agree on whether or not a person has autism, however, they seem to find it very difficult to agree on a definition of autism. 

This reminded me of listening to art documentaries.  Often Dennis Hopper is interviewed in these.  For those of you who don’t know who he is, Google him, it’s an interesting rabbit hole.  Hopper quotes Duchamp who, up until now, was someone who I was not really aware of.  Duchamp, it turns out,was a prime mover in the Dada movement.  Again I imagine that this would prove an interesting avenue of research. Hopper oft quoted:

‘The artist of the future will merely point his finger and say it’s art - and it will be art.”

I am wondering whether in the future, or indeed now, one (maybe an expert, self appointed or otherwise) will simply have to point and say a person is autistic and they will be autistic. Once I started overthinking this I found it a challenge to stop.

I first encountered Hopper presenting the Duchamp quote on a documentary about Andy Warhol.  I find it doubly interesting because it is often postulated that Warhol had autism and it’s pretty conclusive, from what I can tell, that he had dyslexia.  I’m certain he wasn’t neurotypical.  

There seems to be a considerable amount  in the media now about people who have autism (or autistic people).  News items more regularly feature autistic people and there are more autistic characters in soaps, sitcoms, novels and films, the Blue Ranger being my current fave. 

Many of the people who appear on social media who have autism are self diagnosed or, as Twitter puts it, #self-dx. And for no particularly coherent reason I  began to wonder “In the future will someone just point the finger and say that someone is autistic, and they will be autistic?  I suppose that this has become an issue because so many people seem to be either diagnosed or self diagnosed as neurodiverse.  Before my autism diagnosis I had already been identified as dyslexic for some years so could already claim the neurodiverse mantle.  Regarding autism, I feel that I would not have been diagnosed a few years ago as I mask so well, or to put it another way, my mum taught me how to fit in.  Now there is greater knowledge and awareness and, if nothing else, people like me are gaining diagnosis (or identification, if you like).

I was pretty certain I had an Autistic Spectrum Condition for about twenty years and now have had a bona-fide diagnosis for about eighteen months.  I imagine that I was not less autistic a couple of years ago, pre diagnosis. For me having someone point the finger and say I have autism has really helped me.  I don’t mask quite so much and also I am more forgiving of myself when I start to struggle in the supermarket or theatre. I managed to move forward in life with a bit more confidence.

To finish, but not to conclude, while researching this post I stumbled across this quote which sums up how I sometimes feel:

“...but I always say, one’s company, two’s a crowd and three’s a party.”

Andy Warhol

The Thousand Yard Stare  - 13.11.22

Firstly an apology to my reader for not publishing sooner.  I’ve been having a tough time relating to one of my other strands of work, that I cannot disclose.  (Nothing ethically questionable in any way I just can’t disclose).  Secondly, this is not my planned post.  I am working on a post about the portrayal of autism in fiction and I went down several rabbit holes.  One was a Stepen King burrow and the other was a warren relating to the whole subject and needing some real research in order to avoid writing a string of platitudes and actually produce something meaningful

So here is a heartfelt post that seems to require less research.

I suppose this is really about what I call in my internal monologue the thousand yard stare.  I live in a pretty rural part of England and there is plenty of opportunity to go out walking in the hills and we try to do this whenever possible. Over recent years in the media there have been reports of a few interested groups  promoting the idea of making sure that you speak and be friendly to fellow walkers.  In writing this I am relying on the reader using a big dollop of common sense (which is not that common).  I am clearly  not advocating that ramblers totally ignore each other and be rude.  However, my wanderings in the hills are regularly marred by having to manage eye contact and then, potentially, make small talk with people who are walking towards me.

I can remember as a child seeing teachers or friends (or occasionally bullies) walking towards me in the long corridors at school. Working out how much eye contact was okay and then at what distance I was supposed to nod my head or mutter an acknowledgement, was torture. This allergy to the thousand yard stare persisted into adulthood when I worked in a variety of government buildings and then a college, all of which were blessed with long corridors.I attempted to deal with the issue in a variety of ways including:-

i) stare at my feet and just walk past the person heading towards me.

ii) make glancing eye contact and then nod as the person passes.

iii) turn around, pretending to have forgotten something and take a different route.

iv) duck quickly into the toilet.

v) pretend I’m in a hurry and run past the person.

vi) make strong eye contact and a verbal greeting risking this occurring too soon and compounding the discomfort.

All of the above left me feeling nauseous and still do.  When out walking I get a similar feeling. I see someone coming towards me on the path, cannot cope with the situation and try to ignore them.  Whether I am successful or unsuccessful in this I am still left feeling ill and often over stimulated.

The South Downs National Park was recently ridiculed in the press for a £35 000 campaign to encourage people to speak to each other while out walking.  When I heard of this I immediately thought of the thousands of autistic people (and others) who would be horrified at this prospect.  

I have been thinking about getting a T-shirt printed with some glib slogan on to mimic the coats that nervous dogs have to stop them being petted while out.  How about “AUTIST: MAY BITE!”

Clearly the danger of broadcasting this issue is that now people who know me may ignore me when seeing me out walking.  That is definitely not the intention, unless they are the type that slap you on the back, shake your hand and give you a hug.  Mind you I think the chances of anyone I know reading this are pretty slim.  

Sadly, I can’t think of a solution.  Normal people seem quite happy greeting each other and making bewilderingly banal small talk while out.  How are they to know that the person walking towards them is happy in their own world?

Join me on Twitter (I haven't figured out Mastodon yet) @TaeKwonDoAutist or E-mail me rob@taekwondoautist.co.uk

Why I paid for my ASC diagnosis? 8th October 2022

Seeking a diagnosis of an autistic spectrum condition is a brave thing to do.  In the UK a diagnosis is available through the National Health Service.  The process involves talking to your General Practitioner and convincing them of the need to consider a diagnosis.  If your GP agrees that there is a need then you will be referred to the local authority autism specialists who will interview you, usually on several occasions, and make a diagnosis if appropriate.

Over the past ten years or so I have been through one or two traumatic experiences and found that the General Practitioners I’d spoken to were not particularly helpful or understanding in many instances.  Before finding a psychologist who I was hoping would diagnose me I accessed a counselling service to prepare me for either receiving, or worse, not receiving an autism diagnosis.  The counsellor told me that often if you could stand up and go to work then you didn’t warrant much attention in terms of mental health provision or what would be a mental health condition according to the DSMIV.  I had known I had something that needed addressing for years and had long suspected it was autism.  However, for a variety of reasons, my conversation with doctors didn’t really go anywhere.  I think this was because when I tried to investigate the underlying issue it was always at a time I was experiencing trauma.  Ultimately I lost faith in the ability of the National Health Service to investigate my situation and consider that there may be an underlying issue.  The bottom line is that I didn’t feel able to talk to the doctors at my local practice or confident that I would be taken seriously.  Additionally, I thought that it would take much more than a ten minute appointment to outline the need for the issues to be considered seriously.  After my diagnosis I took it to my General Practitioner and the conversation I had about it pretty much proved to me I’d made the right decision in the first place.

Experience of the National Health Service locally led me to believe that it would take a considerable amount of time to receive a diagnosis.  That was if I was taken seriously at all.  I’d been convinced that I had autism for about twenty years and wanted to wait no longer for a diagnosis.  I had begun to realise that my autism negatively affected myself and those around me and that I needed confirmation.  It seems that as I age, although I cope better with some issues, some are getting much worse.  I put out a post on an autism facebook group and found the name of a psychologist who would consider a diagnosis.  I emailed her and it took a couple of months from there.  

The great thing about sourcing a psychologist in this way is that I could ensure that I got on with her before undertaking the considerable amount of interviewing time a diagnosis takes.  It was six hours and bearing in mind I do have autism, it would have been difficult to have undergone this if the person I was dealing with wasn’t right.  I imagine that there are many people who would  consider this the wrong approach, but I don’t.

Another contentious point was that I was able to go over the process using Zoom.  There were two reasons for this, one was it was in the middle of the pandemic and two the psychologist is located in the Shetland Isles.  Having gone through the process of the diagnosis I am confident that this is an appropriate way of going about it.  Especially as I was fully observable.  I think the fact that I was on camera in my martial arts studio and didn’t have a desk in front of me meant that my drifting off in a near catatonic state and odd body movements could clearly be seen.  It meant that I did not have to cope with a waiting room, or wrestle with parking issues.  I was also able to sit with drinks that I like and my fidget toy was about if I needed it (poster putty and some string with beads on).

It took me a good chunk of my savings for a private diagnosis, however, it saved me so much anxiety in having to deal with doctors and then a panel of health professionals.  Also, being able to complete the assessment relatively quickly was a massive positive.  I was able to have my assessment without leaving my house, and as many of you will know, that made everything so much easier from a mental health point of view.  

I am fortunate in that I had just enough saved to be diagnosed in a way that was comfortable for me.  If you are seeking your own diagnosis, I wish you luck.

Join me on Twitter @TaeKwonDoAutist or E-mail me rob@taekwondoautist.co.uk

A Bit Spectrumy - 1st October 2022

This is my opinion of different schools of thought and modes of practice regarding the terminology used to refer to people with autism.  This is definitely my opinion, however, I don’t judge too harshly if your opinions are different, this should become apparent as the blog post unfurls.   Please, also, don’t judge me too harshly if my opinion is at variance with your own.  It is afterall, just one opinion.

I imagine that what this blog post is likely to achieve is to highlight the difference between my personal preferences for the way we are described and the more general preferences of the rest of the autistic community and beyond that the community at large.  I have to admit, and again the reasons why will probably become clear later, that I’m a bit late to the party with regards getting my head around some of this.  So the possible requirement for person-first language came as a bit of a surprise.  This surprise paled into insignificance compared to the revelation that person-first may require a hyphen.  It seems that person-first language indicates that you are not your diagnosis, that it does not totally define you.  At this point my internal voice is doing a great impression of Obi-Wan Kenobi (no surprise at the hyphen) “Search your feelings”.  I have, and I feel that often my diagnosis does define me.  I have encountered someone on YouTube, I can’t remember who, who identified as autistic, full stop.  I sympathise/empathise here (puts one of those round plastic lids on that particular can of worms to be opened another day).  The main argument against person-first language is that it separates the person from their diagnosis of whatever, in this case autism.

Note, I will not be referring to person-first language as PFL for two reasons, one I don’t do acronyms, see earlier post, and PFL doesn’t satisfactorily deal with the hyphen.  

Being associated with your diagnosis can help to build a community of people who identify with that diagnosis, especially in today’s connected world.  I suppose, this blog and others of its type is an example.  

Identity first language puts the diagnosis first.  So “autistic person” would be an example.  It is argued that identity first language prevents the stigmatising of individuals as it just names the diagnosis.  I don’t fully understand this, I must confess, and I’m no dullard.  I personally don’t feel, and feel may be the operative word here, a major distinction between the two.  I don’t want to dismiss this situation as just semantics but it’s nothing I give much thought to unless the subject is broached by other people.  

It seems the autistic community prefers Individual First Language, so “person with autism.”  So it is a safe bet to use referential language in that way.  

I personally don’t feel particularly offended by either.  I think that if the person is  obviously well meaning and I can detect this, then it‘s okay with me. There have been occasions when I have felt offended by the way I’ve been referred to and I’ve only had my diagnosis for about twenty months.

Recently I was attending a mediaeval festival in Tewkesbury and from quite early on I had to put my lanyard on with the card attached saying “I have an autistic spectrum condition.”  I also had my green rubber wristband.  We can chew the gristle on the use of these another day. What did happen though was that a festival goer had got upset about something and was ranting either at or too the lady he was with.  From his rant he was trying to find a steward to vent his displeasure at. Eventually he walked passt me and saw my lanyard and card.  He looked me up and down and said “are you a steward?”.  I mumbled “No.”  His reply was “Well what does that say then?”  After reading the card he said angrily “Oh you’re autastic!”.  He walked off in continued anger venting to the lady.  And for the first time since my diagnosis I felt dehumanised.  

I have a friend who referred to a member of her family as “a bit spectrumy” and it was meant with such kindness and love that it warmed my heart.

Join me on Twitter @TaeKwonDoAutist or E-mail me rob@taekwondoautist.co.uk

IDDA - 23rd September 2022

I expect that this will lead on to further blogs in the future. I suspect it will be about comorbidity and this is a neurodiversity blog first and foremost.  At the age of twenty six I was diagnosed with dyslexia.  My ability to remember sequences of letters is particularly poor.  Also, I seem to have an inability to do acronyms.  I think that my frustration with their use goes back to undergraduate days.  Remembering just who WHO was, I was a geographer amongst other things, was a serious challenge.  By the time I’d worked it out my lecturer had moved on to discussing WEF.  In fact I have to hear an acronym a serious number of times before I have any chance of understanding what it stands for.  And, as indicated above, by the time I have worked it out, the conversation has moved on and I don’t understand its relevance. 

Of course it’s a bit easier if the acronym is something rude.  The War Against Terror was easy to get my head around.  And being a martial artist I soon got to grips with WTF.  I can, in fact, remember PEBKAC which was popular with techies in the 90s.  It stands for Problem Exists Between Keyboard And Chair.  I live in a collection of parishes - Bransford, Alfrick, Leigh, Lusley and Suckley.

Perhaps this highlights why I have struggled with acronyms in academia, particularly.  I imagine the great Doreen Massey would have an aversion to putting her precious time and effort into creating a geographical theory that spelled TOSSER.  I personally would see it as a badge of honour.  Perhaps, that’s why my academic career was briefer than I’d like.  

Seriously, for a minute, when writing I invariably write out principles, theories and anything else acronymable, in full.  Mainly, so if nothing else, I myself can understand what I’m going on about.  I urge other people to do the same.  For me it’s one of the primary adjustments you can do to help me with my neurodiversity.  I cannot describe how much it would help to see a sign saying toilet as opposed to WC. I know where I am with a toilet.  By the time I’ve worked out WC, it can be too late.  

Martial Autist? - 16th September 2022

I thought it was about time I discussed the name TaeKwonDo Autist. I suppose, to be honest, if you are going to blog you need a USP, a unique selling point.  This is a phrase I picked up when supporting classes of business studies students.  When searching for a Twitter handle I found my, inspired, first choice of MartialAutist had gone and my martial art is Tae Kwon Do.  I run/own a Tae Kwon Do club in England.  I do other stuff, I have a portfolio of work, I can’t discuss that work publicly though. It’s nothing military.  I wouldn’t have to kill you if I told you about it.  The issues relate to client confidentiality.

I also realised that as martial arts are such a big part of my life it would make for interesting reading to explore how martial arts and autism impact on each other.  At one point I thought there may be a Phd in this but I’m yet to pursue it. For now, most of my observations are ethnographic in nature.  So from a research point of view that would be becoming part of the community you are studying and make observations based on your experience.  Lucky then that I have autism and am a martial artist....Perfect!

I’m not sure that I can with complete certainty pin down the benefit that neurodiverse people, particularly those with autism, gain from martial arts and what the attraction may be.  The reason is the obvious no brainer benefit doesn’t seem to be at play to the level I would assume from having all the information I have about neurodiversity/autism and, specifically, traditional punching/kicking martial arts.

For the uninitiated a big part of traditional punching kicking martial arts is doing repetitive movements.  This can consist of what’s called linework.  Linework is where people line up in ranks and files.  The ranks are usually four people wide and the files are as numerous as the number of students or size of training hall will allow.  The instructor calls instructions and the class will make repetitive movements.  First forwards, usually ten times room permitting and then backwards.  An example would be stepping forwards with middle section punches then stepping backwards and blocking.  Martial arts patterns are a set of attack and defence moves performed at full power.  These are repetitive in nature.  I won’t bore you further but there are other repetitive aspects of punching/kicking martial arts.

I personally would have thought that the repetitive nature of the martial art would be what attracted people on the spectrum or with other forms of neurodiversity.  Experience tells me that this isn’t a particularly attractive aspect of martial arts.  Similarly, we spend some time with protective equipment on trying to punch and kick each other.  This doesn’t seem to be something that is massively more appealing than other aspects of martial arts.  Punching/kicking martial arts are usually military based and so involve quite a bit of following instructions.  That doesn’t seem to be an aspect that draws neurodiverse people in. Processing delays usually make it a challenging aspect.  However, my experience seems to indicate that martial arts are attractive to neurodiverse people.

It is usual that parents of children who are neurodiverse and struggling with focus at school will take an instructor to one side after about six weeks and say “His/her teacher says he’s/she’s concentrating better at school”. Or “His/her behaviour has improved”.  

What I personally like is the learning and practice of patterns. The movements are repetitive and there is room for really perfecting tiny details.  I like following instructions and how it feels to receive kicks and punches when I’m holding a shield.  It has certainly helped with some aspects of my specific learning difficulties, it has improved my laterality, for instance.  Tae Kwon Do has certainly improved my proprioception.

I think my point is that martial arts definitely help neurodiverse people with a whole range of issues, in my opinion.  I still cannot put my finger on which aspect attracts people to the training.  I think this may be because of communication challenges faced by the neurodiverse.  We aren’t necessarily great at identifying what attracts us and then even more unlikely to be able to communicate it.

Any thoughts or feedback contact  me via Twitter - @TaeKwonDoAutist or E-mail rob@taekwondoautist.co.uk

Barber Anxiety -  9th September 2022

I can only speak about this, in terms of being neurodivergent, from an autism point of view as I have not had too many conversations with people who are divergent but not on the autistic spectrum.  Comments would be welcome to open up that vista.  

I do recall having a bit of an issue having my hair cut as a toddler but not causing a fuss as my mum told me that if I sat still and had it done it would be easier than struggling and that seemed to be enough for me. This kind of tactic worked well to encourage me to cope with stressful sensory situations.  My dad did pretty much the same thing when taking me to the dentist to have my first filling.  The first time I can actually remember having my haircut was being taken, by my mum, to the barber whose shop was in the railway station.  Mr. Bradshaw.  Ideally, my mum would have taken me elsewhere but he was cheap, at a time we were skint, and within walking distance.  The railway station was just a couple of miles from home.

I do think that going to the barbers is different for a youngster, this could just be my interpretation though.  As I got a bit older my dad used to drive me to a local town.  Haircuts happened before a new term began and in half term.  From recollection I used to have mine cut first and then dad would sit in the chair.  I was not particularly sensitive to the odd occasion the barber caught my scalp with the scissors or snagged my hair with the metal comb he sometimes used.  However, I was pretty fearful I might be asked a question by the barber. Questions could range from the quality of Liverpool’s new striker to what you thought of the boxing or the Grand Prix.  The reason it wasn’t too bad early in life was that the people fielding the questions would be my dad or the other adult men waiting.

When in high school it was a bit more of a problem as I’d be expected to join in the conversation.  I’m dimly aware that the barber would occasionally check to see if I was understanding the stream of innuendo by looking down at me and trying to read any recognition of his smutty talk on my face.  This was a bit more problematic  and challenging to deal with. 

When I got to my undergraduate years I was coping quite well at the barbers as I’d go in with the Rugby team that I was valiantly masking to ingratiate myself with.  I remember I had grown my hair long during the phase where I was trying to be a goth.  I went into Roger’s to get it all cut off at the beginning of my career as a hooker.  We referred to haircuts there as getting rogered.  I then went in every other week to get rogered as part of my pre match ritual for the next four years.  A bit too often but my undiagnosed autism had, by then, caused me to become a creature of habit.

I am not quite sure how my previously only slightly problematic visits to the barbers have now become the bane of my life.  I think that, as is common with many, some of my symptoms have lessened with age.  However, some have clearly got much worse.  I think that the symptoms that have worsened have created a perfect storm to cause barbers to now become one of the main annoyances in my life.

During the Covid lockdown I bought a hair trimmer and cut my hair myself.  I did not do a terrible job but you could obviously tell it wasn’t done by a professional.  Since lockdown has ended I’ve been to the barbers once and have realised I am going to have to find one to cut my hair regularly as it looks so much better.  Either that or look permanently like one of those umbrella crested budgies.

I think my first beef with going to the barbers now is the potential of having to have a conversation that involves small talk as opposed to one of my own highly important topics of conversation.  The main topics of conversation raised by barbers are mainly limited to where you are going on your holidays, something to do with football or whether or not you’ve had a day off work to get your haircut and what you do for a job.  To me all of these topics are small talk especially as I’ve never encountered a barber who is genuinely interested.  I tell a lie, football seems to be something that barbers are genuinely interested in.  I couldn’t care less.

I am not interested in football but my experience of barbers tells me that this piece of information is not enough to break their stride.  

Barber: Which football team do you support?

Rob: Well I’m from Stoke and I’ve been to an occasional match but I’m not really interested.

Barber:  Well what do you think of Tottenham then?

Rob: I’m not really interested in football.

Barber: Explains about Tottenham.

The most annoying thing is I knew Sir Stanley Matthews on at least speaking terms and this rather amazing piece of information is not enough to elicit a diversion from discussing Tottenham (Manchester United, Leeds...Whoever)

The above is a fictionalised version of typical events relating to a football based discussion in the barbers.  The following has happened exactly this way.

The barber, let’s call him Doug because that’s his name, has sat me down and tucked in the apron and tissues into the back of my neck.  He knows lots of people in the area seemingly all of whom drop in for a chat at a moment's notice to chat to him while he’s cutting hair.

Doug: Where are you going on yer holidees? (That’s the standard barber pronunciation for holidays)

Rob: Butlins this year at least it keeps the kids entertained and I can drink coffee and read my book.

Doug: Minehead?

Rob: Yes.

Doug: I go to 1960’s weekends there, they are really good.

Doug turns to a couple who have just sat down behind him.  He chats to them about cars, Christmas and their mate who used to work somewhere I can’t remember.  This conversation slows him down as he’s constantly turning around waving his comb and scissors, narrowly avoiding taking my eye out with the latter while gesticulating to explain his point.  Twenty minutes later Doug turns to me.

Doug: Going anywhere on yer holidees? 

He managed to uncurl my fingers from the cut throat razor before I managed to decapitate myself on the spot.

This one makes me fume.  The question asked regular as clockwork is: “You not in work today then?”  One or two barbers I’ve been to have perfected the accusatory tone necessary to deliver this line in that Robert Powell would have been proud of the performance and considered it one of his finer moments.  It seems that most of the barbers I know don’t understand that if you are not at work at 11 am on a Wednesday morning it doesn’t necessarily mean you are signing on, having a sicky or generally workshy.  Similarly it doesn’t seem to occur that you could just be genuinely unable to work.  

I personally then have to explain that I’m self employed and do portfolio work.  Explaining the concept of portfolio usually gets greeted with a blink and a return of the conversation to Man United.

The highlight of a lifetime's worth of visits to the barbers was sitting next to Ray Reardon in a barbershop in Hanley, it must have been roundabout 1984.  The said barber was just behind his snooker club.  Called the Reardon, I imagine.  He had been on the telly the night before in a documentary explaining some of the lesser known aspects of snooker.  My dad described the lesser known aspects as “secrets” which slightly annoyed the world's most famous Bela Lugosie impersonator.  When I say slightly annoyed, I mean annoyed to the point where the conversation became distinctly stilted as a result.  Still it meant I didn’t have to talk about football, or where I was going for “me holidees” and better still I didn’t have to listen to adult reminiscences of when barbers said “Anything for the weekend Sir?” after cutting your hair.  I presumed this was a prelude to an offer by the barber to lend you a pirate copy of E.T. on VHS.

As indicated earlier I am able to put up with the odd attempt at scalping with clumsily wielded scissors, I can also cope with the buzzing of the clippers, especially if it drowns out footballing anecdotes.   I don’t like the new ones that are popping up everywhere and insist on setting fire to your ears though.  What I really don’t like from a sensory point of view is being touched on the shoulders, usually when the barber turns round to waive his scissors at someone sitting in the queue to, while offering a critique of Tottenham’s defensive record.  

Even this problem pales into insignificance when compared to the ticking bomb that is the hair behind my ears.  If that has been carelessly trimmed, in as little as two days the milimetre my hair has grown in that time can be enough to make contact with the back of my ears.  This condemns me to an entire sixs weeks of hacking away with the kitchen scissors trying to dispatch the offending tufts and thus temporarily ending my misery.  Often the resulting scars on my ears obtained from over enthusiastic and inaccurate snipping make it look like I’ve failed an audition for the England front row, or maybe passed, it depends on how you look at that one.

If any barbers are offended by the flagrant stereotyping you have received at my hands here, firstly I think it’s a miracle as you are about the second person to stumble on my blog.  Secondly, I’m sincerely, sort of, apologetic.  As I genuinely have been subjected to a almost continuous stream of stereotyping disabled people, gay people and anyone who isn’t caucasion whilst sat in a barber’s chair over the years.  Also, it's a fair recompense for setting fire to my ears.

If you have any constructive criticism, or comments you can tweet me: @TaeKwonDoAutist or e-mail rob@taekwondoautist.co.uk.

Any abuse feel free to contact admin@britishbarbers.com

The next post may contain some stuff about martial arts.  Don’t count on it though.

One More Nightmare - 2nd September 2022

I’m  wondering about neurodivergent people and nightmares.  I read somewhere that on the whole nightmares clear up in the late teens.  I’m not completely sure on this so my purpose here is partly by way of research.  However, my nightmares  haven’t gone away and the few neurodivergent people that I have spoken to about it seem to have them as a feature of their own lives too.  

I have had them for as long as I can remember.  So at least back to when I was two.  I’ll describe typical ones as it may serve as an indication of the nature of my anxieties. 

From a pretty young age I have been having nightmares that involve being chased.  Initially this was almost exclusively by monsters from Dr Who. The first one I can recall is a monster from the episode Brain of Morbius.  That was first screened in 1976! Since then I’ve been chased by giant spiders, Dracula, Frankenstein’s monster, various incarnations of terminator, Darth Vader, alien and predators, werewolves, snakes.....the Devil, cybermen, daleks, velociraptors, sharks etc. The particular problem with these dreams is that I can never escape because my legs don’t work to allow me to run away properly.  I theorise it’s because I am trying to run in my sleep but the duvet prevents my legs from moving.

Then there are the dreams where members of my family are being killed.  And where my ex wife doesn’t realise that we aren’t married anymore and turns up at the house and won’t go away, thus providing something to explain to my partner.  I’m often drowning. Regularly falling from buildings, cliffs or Aeroplanes.  The classic of going to school, usually to sit my exams wearing nothing.  I also have anxiety dreams about not completing school/university coursework or not having revised for exams.  Turning up to exams drunk. Driving and my accelerator getting stuck and my brakes not working.  I am regularly caught up in earthquakes and fires or floods.  I’ve been in the odd ship wreck.

A regular dream of mine is that I’m wobbling my molars with my fingers until they pull out.  Strangely, this happened.  I dreamed that I was doing just this.  When I woke I was just pinching my molar in my fingers and rocking it from side to side.  Half of the tooth came away from the rest.  The following day I had the molar extracted.

An interesting feature of the nightmares is they seem to happen over periods of a week to a fortnight.  I can go a week or two without troubled nights and then a week or two where they occur as a continuous feature.

I also regularly wake up stressed and know I’ve had a nightmare but can’t remember it.  On nights when my partner is not working away then she allows me to wake her for reassurance.  If she is working away it’s pretty traumatic.

In addition I almost always wake up feeling guilty with no explanation as far as I can tell.  Another challenge associated with sleep is waking up and finding that I’ve either been biting my tongue so hard that the pain is excruciating or I’ve been chewing on the inside of my cheeks.  I’m not sure this has anything to do with neurodiversity but am still curious. I don’t know if it is more common in the neurodivergent population.  

 If so and you want to give me some details/feedback then I’m on Twitter @TaeKwonDoAutist or email rob@taekwondoautist.co.uk (e-mail may not work if not try hyperbole71@gmail.com until I correct it)

FAMILY PLANNING - 26th August 2022

I realised that I definitely had autism about twenty five years ago.  There are two reasons for this really.  Firstly my dyslexia diagnosis didn’t seem to fully explain my symptoms.  Also, I was working in a role where I interviewed autistic people on a regular basis and realised that I had a set of symptoms that made me very much like the people I was meeting.

I also spent time working as a senior care worker, at a care home that mainly housed autistic people with complex needs.  Here it became increasingly obvious that I was on the spectrum.  I remember making sandwiches for a trip out with one of the residents. One of my colleagues observed me making them and observed that I was more autistic than the person I was making the sandwiches for.  This was because of the way I carefully placed the fillings and made sure that the rounds of bread matched up perfectly.  My sandwiches are things of symmetrical beauty.

So what has this to do  with the price of cucumbers on a Sunday I hear you ask?  Well this is where I got to know autistic people.  Clearly there is an issue with visiting relatives.  It’s not that as autistic people we don’t want to see them, it’s just that it causes anxiety and sometimes to the point where it results in  melt down.  I think that there are so many emotional issues that we find difficult to cope with attached to any visit that it’s just all too much.  I am finding this a challenge to fully explain so I thought I may just discuss a few potential bombshells that are on my list, which is extensive, as you can imagine.  (Wait until we start talking about barbers).

Firstly, there is just the anticipation that our day is going to be disrupted and our carefully honed routine is not going to go to plan.  For example, if the visitor is staying for lunch, well of course that is probably the time you disappear to your room, shut the door, put your favourite podcast on and completely avoid small talk.  But today, Friday of all days, you are now going to have to eat with everybody else and listen to beguiling stories from your childhood.  Specifically the ones you’d rather forget about like when you ran away from school or swore at your mum.

Then there is just the time spent in other people’s company.  Don’t get me wrong, I like other people’s company, sometimes.  However, usually an hour in one go is plenty, maximum two.  After six hours I’m heading for shutdown and any longer a shutdown that lasts. I’m not 100% sure why the shutdowns occur but I think it’s because I over analyse conversation.  By the time I’ve got twenty minutes into one I’ve got enough material to over analyse and mentally revisit to last about three days.  That of course starts as soon as my processing delay allows me to.  Inevitably I’m analysing one bit of conversation while listening to anecdotes about buying meat in a town seventy miles away from.  Almost tolerable in itself, but I’m vegan. A better topic of conversation would of course be martial arts or neurodiversity, Frasier, Blakes 7, Stephen King or Dune.  

Hugging! I don’t like it as a greeting.  My partner gets to do this and I enjoy that.  I had to do hugs at a wedding recently and that was tough.  This is often mistaken for being antisocial but it’s not so.  I am sure there will be an entire blog about this at some point.  

Autistic people usually have a raft of special interests and a pile of reading to get through.  Keeping me away from mine for more than a couple of hours causes anxiety.  I love the company but after a while I just need to get on.  After all the websites, twitter feeds, facebook groups don’t look after themselves.  If I don’t read 10% of my book today and practice my guitar scales I’m going to be mad as hell when I finally collapse at bedtime.

Usually visits coincide with nap time.  Admittedly it’s difficult not to.  A couple of hours for a visit can be easily accommodated but any more and I’m flagging and need a nap.  We have emotional exhaustion to deal with, all the time really.  People who are not neurotypical generally have this to deal with.   I’m no exception and haven’t found anything that helps other than regular naps.  If nothing else it provides extra opportunity for me to have one more nightmare.  I don’t know if this is a thing that neurodiverse people are particularly prone to but more of that in later posts.

So if you are neuro diverse, be kind to yourself when having visitors, especially relatives.  Much as you love them, too much exposure can be damaging.  They are unlikely to understand this and I am still working out how to explain the issues in a way that is not hurtful to them.  This is a particular challenge if they do not acknowledge your neurodiversity, or worse, think you need to just pull yourself together (are just making excuses, are spoiled, lazy, antisocial, miserable, rude.......)

If anyone has any suggested strategies to help with these or similar issues dm me on twitter @TaeKwonDoAutist 

Or e-mail rob@taekwondoautist.co.uk

Also please get in touch if you are neurodiverse and experience nightmares. This is something that is a particular problem for me and was wondering if it was a common issue as I don’t think much has been written about it.  Feel free to outline any patterns to them. Are you over analysing past events in your sleep.  Do you find them traumatic.

Cheers,

Rob